Name: Horti-Haute Couture.
Age: Arriving next week.
Appearance: Alan Titchmarsh smiling in a pair of sneakers that he seems to have stolen from a teenager.
No, really, how is it? No, really, Alan Titchmarsh smiling in a pair of sneakers that he seems to have stolen from a teenager. This is literally what horti-couture is. There's a picture of her and everything.
This needs to be unzipped. IT'S OK. Adidas is about to launch something called the Garden Club: “A variety of lawn-inspired activities-inspired clothing, accessories and shoes, resulting in horti-couture that can effortlessly move from the lawn to the streets.”
Ah, so it's an advertising slogan. That's right. And Alan Titchmarsh is your confusing, semi-ironic poster.
What are Gardening Club coaches like? Officially, they are functional shoes with Earth tones. Unofficially, but much more accurately, as something unstyled retirees use for walking. They come from the Adidas Consortium, which sells small batches of experimental shoes that cost 50 pounds more than usual, usually because they were co-designed with a rapper.
Can I check the date? Because you think it's April Fool's Day, right? Because you think an idea of this prank can only come in the form of an aggressive corporate prank, right? Because since you saw those dishwasher-filled whiskey capsules, you started to fear starting to lose control of reality?
Good God. But it's worth. After all, these trainers are a warning to all avant-gardeners with similar ideas out there.
I hate that. Did you make it up? No, it's a direct survey of the press release.
Give me some time. Hang on. Are we being a bit rushed here? So they are coaches geared towards older people. What is the problem? Older people are not allowed to make good high fashion choices? Are you being a little ethic here?
No, because older people have a lot of choice when it comes to sophisticated functional footwear, but they don't come with sarcastic, modern advertising campaigns that seem to have been invented by a 23-year-old group who don't see a tree. a decade ago. Oh ok. Fair.
Still, something to encourage more people to interact with abroad in the era of Extinction Rebellion, right? Three hundred million pairs of shoes are thrown into landfills annually.
Say, "Adidas has made a line of shoes for lawn activities!"
Don't say, "Wasn't football a lawn-based activity anymore?"