Advent calendars are getting out of hand. Once they were simply a piece of cardboard with a few flaps; a rudimentary 24-day countdown to the birth of Jesus. Then an honest genius with God improved them dramatically by placing a party-shaped chocolate chip behind the doors. What a joy of Christmas.
This year, however, all bets are off. People are putting any old trash in advent calendars. There are gin advent calendars. There are cheese advent calendars. have £ 120 Scented Candle Advent Calendars, for God's sake, as if there really were people in the world who feel festive only when they are being smelled every day.
Now a true monster of form is emerging: the calendar of the advent of welfare. Imagine. Every December you come down the stairs, the silence of anticipation fills your heart as you open another door, only to sigh in resignation as another greedy substitute appears and falls at your feet. What is today? A delicious chocolate angel? No. A ball of peanut protein.
Is there really a protein ball By the way, the Advent calendar offers each day a sphere of sugar-free, soy-free, gluten-free, high-fiber misery designed for people with genuine dietary restrictions or wanting to punish themselves at any given moment. But it is not alone; there are protein calendars that come with pea isolate chocolate. There are calendars that come with a different type of post-gym whey protein snack. There are several that contain only tea bags, as the spirit of Christmas has always been said to be bits of plant dust in a hammock.
And then, worst of all, there's the 24-day positivity calendar. Behind each door is an inspiring warning – ranging from "answering every call that excites your spirit" to "pine needles on Christmas trees are edible and a good source of vitamin C." It costs almost 16 pounds. Well, you monsters, you ruined Christmas. Now, don't you have a tree to eat?