Home Uncategorized All hail the new Lorraine Kelly, a gritty heroine for our times

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All hail the new Lorraine Kelly, a gritty heroine for our times

by Ace Damon

Very amusing was Lorraine Kelly's claim that she is essentially a theatrical artist who appears on television as a character named Lorraine Kelly. Because clearly this was just an absurd kick designed to help her escape a £ 1 million invoice. Right?

Wrong. This week Kelly demonstrated exactly how committed she is to maintaining the aesthetic distance between artist and role. Because this week, wearing a comfortable sweater embroidered with the words "Silver Linings," she chose to reveal what can only be described as Lorraine Kelly's brave restart. To paraphrase Taylor Swift: Old Kelly can't answer now because she's dead. In its place is the new and improved Dark Universe Lorraine Kelly.

Usually at the end of Good morning britain, Piers Morgan and Susanna Reid head to Kelly's cozy post-show segment with well-versed coexistence. "What do you have after the break?" They laugh. "Ooh, we have the lovely rogue Alexander Armstrong to talk about your new hot air balloon documentary," she will reply. “All this, plus the top six bags for under a pound. Do not go away. It is friendly. It is comforting. It's Lorraine.

And now it's gone. This week, when Morgan and Reid attempted the same blow after ending an interview with Boris' potential destroyer, Jennifer Arcuri, Kelly became dishonest and blew up the formula. "God, that was crazy, wasn't it?" She growled, Goggle boxing the bejesus out of her own show while it was still in progress.

& # 39; What's the point of this? & # 39 ;: Lorraine Kelly criticizes during interview with Jennifer Arcuri – video

At this point it is important to distinguish between how Scottish the Old and the New Lorraine is. Old Lorraine was Scottish like a cookie tin or Mrs. Doubtfire or Shrek. It was a Scottish song. Nice to see you Scottishness. But not New Lorraine. New Lorraine is Scottish like Buckfast. Almost incomprehensible with anger at what she considered to be Arcuri's substandard performance, she spat, "What's the point? Go down, without answering any questions. Point of it?" In the form of what appeared to be a single elongated word.

Arcuri, fresh out of yet another performance like a Jennifer Lawrence video starring Fatal Attraction, was stumped. "I'm sorry?" She began. Then Kelly briefly turned into a grumpy teenage version of Old Lorraine, repeating the question slowly to make it clear that she hated Arcuri and all that she stood for. It was impressive in its intensity. And then, 10 seconds later, it was over and Kelly became the newest hero in the country.

Of course, we know who to thank for The Unleashing of the Kelly, and this is your GMTV colleague Esther McVey, who appeared at Good Morning Britain in June. "Do you remember Esther?" Thrilled Reid, to which Kelly could only respond with a "Yes" so tight and repressed that it clearly broke something deep inside her. There was a whole galaxy of fury hidden within that "Yes," and now it can no longer be contained.

Lorraine Kelly and Esther McVey Share Awkward Moment on TV – Video

There is no telling what she will do now. Regardless of the delivery's obsequiousness, perhaps Kelly will then carry an ax to the culinary segment, running all untouched meals across the floor like a bored cat. Maybe she falls asleep during a celebrity interview. Maybe she bends her neck around a model during a fashion segment and whispers on stage: "But that's a little bad, isn't it?" Straight to the camera.

For those of us who have quietly nurtured a benign crush on her for the past 25 years, the sudden Howard BealeLorraine Kelly's identification has been something to behold. This has given you an exciting new advantage. It's like learning that Jet from Gladiators is a secretly undercover vigilante, or that Nigella Lawson has been supergluing on the train tops on behalf of Extinction Rebellion. The woman is a national treasure no matter what, but finding that there is some sand in the Vaseline cheered up the breakfast television.

Kelly turns 60 next week. She has been presenting what is basically the same television episode repeatedly, five times a week, for a quarter of a century. She is one of the highest paid women on British television. Everyone has their limit, and it looks like she's crossed hers. What are they going to do, fire her? She's Lorraine Kelly, for God's sake. Just try.

Gritty Kelly's emergence can be read in many ways. You may be annoyed that a once-impartial broadcaster is now cheap enough to enter the ugly world of opinion. You may be sad that Lorraine Kelly you knew was banned in favor of this more annoying version. However, I choose to console myself with the emergence of New Lorraine. Things are bad. The world is a miserable place, constantly turning from new low to new low. And of course it comes to you.

And then you see Kelly, writhing in her chair and crackling with fury, and realize that it hit her too. The world is so terrible that it even pierced the armor of the sunniest woman in the world. Nor could she be saved. The ship may be sinking, but at least we can sink with Lorraine Kelly. Silver liners.

Julia Roberts: The world will never see her as anti-slavery activist Harriet Tubman. Photography: The Life Picture Collection via Getty Images

The perfect role for Julia Roberts? Er…

Those who know bad movie studio ideas will always have their favorites. The guy who asked rename Back to the future as Pluto's spaceman. The man who wanted to explain Groundhog Day events with an initial scene in which Bill Murray is cursed by a gypsy. Steven Spielberg, who wanted to crush the entire Harry Potter saga in a single animated movie.

All of them, however, pale in insignificance now that the last doozy has come to light. In 1994, when Gregory Allen Howard was buying his screenplay for a Harriet Tubman biography, one executive apparently responded by saying, “This is a great screenplay. Let's have Julia Roberts play Harriet Tubman. When Howard said that Tubman was black, Howard replied, “It was a long time ago. No one will know the difference. "

And that, frankly, is indefensible. The Tubman race was the defining aspect of his entire life. She was born in slavery. She was repeatedly beaten just for being black. She made the mission of her life help hundreds of other slaves safely, spare them the agony of an existence chosen by a white ruling class. Suggesting her to be played by Roberts – a woman of descent exclusively from northern Europe – is one of the most insulting things you'll ever hear.

Why stop there? Why not set the movie these days? Why not make a movie where instead of freeing slaves, Roberts just makes a hazy quest to break free from intangible spiritual boredom? It's the same as the underground railway, isn't it? Eat Slave Love, you could call it.

But still, that was 25 years ago. Fortunately, things have changed. Of course no one would ever choose Roberts to play Tubman now. That would be absurd and insulting. It's 2019, for God's sake. Society has changed.

They chose Scarlett Johansson.

.

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